20 Funny Ways To Say “None Of Your Business” (With Examples)

Funny ways to say “none of your business” are a great way to set boundaries while keeping things lighthearted. A clever response can turn an awkward question into a fun moment without making things uncomfortable.

Using humor helps you shut down nosy inquiries without being rude, making it clear that some topics are off-limits. No one enjoys intrusive questions, so having a few witty comebacks ready can make all the difference.

Let’s dive into some playful ways to keep things private with a smile!

Funny Ways To Say “None Of Your Business”

Here are 20 funny ways to say “none of your business”:

1. “That’s on a need-to-know basis, and you don’t need to know!”
2. “Sorry, that’s currently floating on the ‘River of Let It Go, ’ right through the ‘Canyon of Curiosity. ’”
3. “That’s fermenting in the ‘Brew of Mind Ya Business’.”
4. “I’ve filed that under ‘G’ for ‘Go Fish. ’”
5. “That’s nestled snugly in the ‘Crate of Can’t Say. ’”
6. “Let’s just say it’s in the Bermuda Triangle of conversation topics.”
7. “It’s like trying to find Waldo in a sea of stripe-loving impostors. Good luck!”
8. “That’s a VIP secret, and your invite got lost in the mail.”
9. “It’s locked in the vault of ‘Nope, Not Telling. ’”
10. “That info’s doing hard time in the prison of ‘Not Your Concern. ’”
11. “Sorry, that’s in the ‘No Fly’ zone of my personal airspace.”
12. “That’s buried treasure you don’t have the map for.”
13. “It’s in my secret recipe, like the 11 herbs and spices.”
14. “That’s a chapter from my life’s book that you’re not subscribed to.”
15. “Don’t have the clearance; it’s in my top-secret files.”
16. “I’m flattered by your curiosity, but my life is like a hidden treasure map. Only I know where X marks the spot!”
17. “You’re like a detective on a mission! Can I interest you in solving the mystery of your own life?”
18. “I appreciate your interest in my life, but I’m afraid I don’t have any shares available for public trading.”
19. “Thanks for your curiosity, but my life is like a classified document – top secret!”
20. “That’s chilling in the fridge of ‘Mind Your Own Beeswax. ’”

1. “That’s on a need-to-know basis, and you don’t need to know!”

Some things in life are just classified information, and this phrase makes it clear in a fun way. If someone keeps digging for answers, remind them that not everyone has the clearance level to access this top-secret data. It’s not just a secret—it’s none of your business!

Example 1: Imagine your coworker digging into your plans. You could say: “That’s on a need-to-know basis, and you don’t need to know!—weekend’s my zone!”

Example 2: Picture your sibling asking about your call. You might say: “That’s on a need-to-know basis, and you don’t need to know!—private chat!”

2. “Sorry, that’s currently floating on the ‘River of Let It Go’, right through the ‘Canyon of Curiosity’.”

Some things are best left unsaid, and this response turns that into an adventure. Imagine curiosity as a river, always flowing, but some details should just drift away into the distance.

Example 1: Suppose your friend asks about your date. You could say: “Sorry, that’s currently floating on the ‘River of Let It Go’, right through the ‘Canyon of Curiosity’—sail away!”

Example 2: Picture your mom prying about your text. You might say: “Sorry, that’s currently floating on the ‘River of Let It Go’, right through the ‘Canyon of Curiosity’—gone with the current!”

3. “That’s fermenting in the ‘Brew of Mind Ya Business. ’”

Sometimes, a secret needs time to “brew,” and not everyone gets a taste! If someone asks too much, let them know this topic is still steeping in the none of your business pot, and they won’t be getting a sip.

Example 1: Imagine your teammate asking about your raise. You could say: “That’s fermenting in the ‘Brew of Mind Ya Business’—sip your own tea!”

Example 2: Picture your cousin probing your budget. You might say: “That’s fermenting in the ‘Brew of Mind Ya Business’—not your drink!”

4. “I’ve filed that under ‘G’ for ‘Go Fish. ’”

Not every question deserves an answer, and some should just be tossed back into the ocean of curiosity. If someone insists on prying into things that are clearly none of your business, tell them to “go fish” elsewhere because they won’t be catching anything here!

Example 1: Suppose your friend asks about your party. You could say: “I’ve filed that under ‘G’ for ‘Go Fish’—cast elsewhere!”

Example 2: Picture your coworker digging into your plans. You might say: “I’ve filed that under ‘G’ for ‘Go Fish’—reel in something else!”

5. “That’s nestled snugly in the ‘Crate of Can’t Say. ’”

Some secrets are stored away for a reason, and this phrase lets you playfully shut down prying questions. If it’s in the “Crate of Can’t Say,” then it’s officially locked under the none of business rules!

Example 1: Imagine your sibling asking about your vacation. You could say: “That’s nestled snugly in the ‘Crate of Can’t Say’—sealed shut!”

Example 2: Picture your friend prying about your gift. You might say: “That’s nestled snugly in the ‘Crate of Can’t Say’—no peeking!”

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6. “Let’s just say it’s in the Bermuda Triangle of conversation topics.”

Just like ships disappear into the Bermuda Triangle, so does this conversation. A clever way to dodge an unwanted question while keeping the mood light and mysterious.

Example 1: Suppose your aunt asks about your fight. You could say: “Let’s just say it’s in the Bermuda Triangle of conversation topics—gone forever!”

Example 2: Picture your teammate probing your mood. You might say: “Let’s just say it’s in the Bermuda Triangle of conversation topics—adrift!”

7. “It’s like trying to find Waldo in a sea of stripe-loving impostors. Good luck!”

Not all answers are easy to find, and this phrase is a fun way to make someone feel like they’re on an impossible quest. If they keep asking, just wish them luck—they’ll need it!

Example 1: Imagine your mom asking about your chat. You could say: “It’s like trying to find Waldo in a sea of stripe-loving impostors. Good luck!—lost in the mix!”

Example 2: Picture your friend digging into your day. You might say: “It’s like trying to find Waldo in a sea of stripe-loving impostors. Good luck! Search on!”

8. “That’s a VIP secret, and your invite got lost in the mail.”

Some things are exclusive, and not everyone gets an invite. This is a humorous way to tell someone that this topic is none of your business, and unfortunately, they didn’t make the guest list.

Example 1: Suppose your coworker asks about your weekend. You could say: “That’s a VIP secret, and your invite got lost in the mail—exclusive club!”

Example 2: Picture your sibling probing your gift. You might say: “That’s a VIP secret, and your invite got lost in the mail—no entry!”

9. “It’s locked in the vault of ‘Nope, Not Telling’.”

A fun and direct way to say that this information isn’t coming out anytime soon. Some secrets are meant to stay locked away, and this vault doesn’t open for just anyone!

Example 1: Imagine your friend asking about your night. You could say: “It’s locked in the vault of ‘Nope, Not Telling’—key’s missing!”

Example 2: Picture your teammate digging into your call. You might say: “It’s locked in the vault of ‘Nope, Not Telling’—sealed tight!”

10. “That info’s doing hard time in the prison of ‘Not Your Concern’.”

If curiosity were a crime, this information would be locked up for life. A great way to remind people that some things should remain private and stay behind the none of your business bars.

Example 1: Suppose your cousin asks about your pay. You could say: “That info’s doing hard time in the prison of ‘Not Your Concern’—life sentence!”

Example 2: Picture your aunt probing your savings. You might say: “That info’s doing hard time in the prison of ‘Not Your Concern’—no parole!”

11. “Sorry, that’s in the ‘No Fly’ zone of my personal airspace.”

Just like restricted airspace, some topics are simply off-limits. If someone keeps pushing, let them know they’re flying into none of your business territory and need to turn back.

Example 1: Imagine your friend asking about your travel. You could say: “Sorry, that’s in the ‘No Fly’ zone of my personal airspace—turbulence ahead!”

Example 2: Picture your coworker prying about your break. You might say: “Sorry, that’s in the ‘No Fly’ zone of my personal airspace—stay grounded!”

12. “That’s buried treasure you don’t have the map for.”

Some secrets are like hidden treasures—well-guarded and only accessible to those with the right map. Too bad for them, this conversation is locked away with no way in!

Example 1: Suppose your sibling asks about your party. You could say: “That’s buried treasure you don’t have the map for—dig elsewhere!”

Example 2: Picture your friend digging into your gift. You might say: “That’s buried treasure you don’t have the map for—lost loot!”

13. “It’s in my secret recipe, like the 11 herbs and spices.”

Just like Colonel Sanders’ famous recipe, some things are meant to stay confidential. If someone asks too many questions, let them know that this particular secret is safely stored in the non-business cookbook and will never be revealed.

Example 1: Imagine your mom asking about your mood. You could say: “It’s in my secret recipe, like the 11 herbs and spices—taste it, don’t ask!”

Example 2: Picture your teammate probing your trick. You might say: “It’s in my secret recipe, like the 11 herbs and spices—chef’s secret!”

14. “That’s a chapter from my life’s book that you’re not subscribed to.”

Some stories aren’t meant for everyone. If they’re flipping through pages looking for answers, let them know this book is none of your business, and they don’t have a subscription.

Example 1: Suppose your aunt asks about your fight. You could say: “That’s a chapter from my life’s book that you’re not subscribed to—next volume!”

Example 2: Picture your friend prying about your date. You might say: “That’s a chapter from my life’s book that you’re not subscribed to—closed book!”

15. “Don’t have the clearance; it’s in my top-secret files.”

Not all information is public knowledge. If someone’s asking too much, tell them that these details are classified under none of your business, and they don’t have the right clearance!

Example 1: Imagine your coworker asking about your chat. You could say: “Don’t have the clearance, it’s in my top-secret files—classified!”

Example 2: Picture your sibling probing your text. You might say: “Don’t have the clearance, it’s in my top-secret files—eyes off!”

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16. “I’m flattered by your curiosity, but my life is like a hidden treasure map. Only I know where X marks the spot!”

Curiosity is great, but some things stay hidden. A fun way to tell someone they won’t be discovering this secret anytime soon!

Example 1: Suppose your friend asks about your party. You could say: “I’m flattered by your curiosity, but my life is like a hidden treasure map. Only I know where X marks the spot—seek your own!”

Example 2: Picture your teammate digging into your plans. You might say: “I’m flattered by your curiosity, but my life is like a hidden treasure map. Only I know where X marks the spot—X stays mine!”

17. “You’re like a detective on a mission! Can I interest you in solving the mystery of your own life?”

If someone is more interested in your life than their own, it might be time to redirect their attention. This is a fun way to remind them that their curiosity should be directed toward something other than non-business topics.

Example 1: Imagine your mom asking about your mood. You could say: “You’re like a detective on a mission! Can I interest you in solving the mystery of your own life?—look over there!”

Example 2: Picture your friend probing your call. You might say: “You’re like a detective on a mission! Can I interest you in solving the mystery of your own life?—self-case time!”

18. “I appreciate your interest in my life, but I’m afraid I don’t have any shares available for public trading.”

Some things aren’t up for discussion, just like stocks that aren’t for sale. A smooth way to let them know this topic is none of your business and off the market!

Example 1: Suppose your coworker digs into your weekend. You could say: “I appreciate your interest in my life, but I’m afraid I don’t have any shares available for public trading—private stock!”

Example 2: Picture your sibling asking about your date. You might say: “I appreciate your interest in my life, but I’m afraid I don’t have any shares available for public trading—closed market!”

19. “Thanks for your curiosity, but my life is like a classified document – top secret!”

Not all information is meant to be shared, and this phrase makes it clear. A fun way to remind people that some things are labeled none of your business for a reason!

Example 1: Imagine your friend asking about your party. You could say: “Thanks for your curiosity, but my life is like a classified document – top secret!—redacted fun!”

Example 2: Picture your teammate prying about your call. You might say: “Thanks for your curiosity, but my life is like a classified document – top secret!—off the record!”

20. “That’s chilling in the fridge of ‘Mind Your Own Beeswax. ’”

Some conversations need to stay on ice, and this one is definitely in the deep freeze. If they’re still curious, tell them it’s best served cold—preferably never!

Example 1: Suppose your cousin asks about your pay. You could say: “That’s chilling in the fridge of ‘Mind Your Own Beeswax’—stay out!”

Example 2: Picture your aunt probing your savings. You might say: “That’s chilling in the fridge of ‘Mind Your Own Beeswax’—frosty lock!”

Conclusion

Sometimes, keeping things private needs a little humor, and funny ways to say “none of your business” make it easy to set boundaries with a smile. Whether you want to be playful, sarcastic, or witty, there’s always a creative way to dodge unwanted questions.

We love making conversations more fun, so check out Other Ways To Say for more clever phrases to use in any situation!